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Thursday, 6 March 2014

How To: Not Let Others Affect You

Nowadays, people spend far too much time wondering, "I think he/she hates me" or "Everyone's going to think I'm a loser" or something along those lines, and for what? It's perfectly natural to want to be liked and to want to be appreciated and respected by our peers, but sometimes if someone doesn't like you (which I hope isn't the case for all you lovely readers) it can be difficult to not let it affect you. From personal experience, I know what it's like to be controlled and to do everything according to other people and what they think is right. And somehow, thank the Lord, I managed to get myself out of that rut. So today, we're going to talk about the solution to this problem.

The first thing to realise is that not everyone can like you. Only when you've accepted this can you move on to the next stage of not letting everyone affect you (a bit like a healing process). You need to learn to accept that even though these people don't like you, they're just like you in the sense that you also dislike some things. That doesn't make you or them a bad person, it just means that you all like different things. The other thing to remember, is that just like with your friends, you need to be accepting of their own thoughts and opinions whether you agree with them or not. Remember that even if you absolutely hate each other, you need to be the bigger person and rise above this petty-ness. You need to be able to say that "X, Y and Z hates me and I'm okay with that."

Even if you don't see this person who doesn't like you, if you keep thinking about them and their hatred: STOP. The more you think about them, the more you'll fixate on that negative energy, thus causing you to take on a negative and sad mind-set. Don't let them win by letting them affect you and letting them take up space in that wonderful head of yours. How dare they even try to make you weaker? And how pathetic is it that they find joy in making others feel smaller? The way to stop thinking about them, is to distract yourself. Do it in the form of exercise, homework, talk to a friend etc. whatever it is, distract yourself.

Remember that even if he/she hates you, the proportion of people who love you and treasure you is a lot greater than people who don't like you, whether you realise it or not. Instead of letting their negative energy get you down, channel it into positive energy and invest that into spending time with the friends and family who do treasure and appreciate you. At the end of the day, they will be the ones who stuck by you and were there for you when you needed them. Be thankful for the love that you do have, instead of the one you don't.

When it comes to having to see this person on a daily basis, this can be the most difficult thing to do. The ideal way in dealing with these people is to avoid them. The minute they start becoming negative or start nit-picking your little flaws or whatever it is terrible people like that do, walk away. Defend yourself if you need to, but the best thing to do is to avoid it. Walking away doesn't make you weak, it just means you're wise enough to walk away from nonsense around you. Walking away doesn't mean you don't have a backbone, it just means you've chosen to rise above it all. And walking away doesn't mean you don't care, it only means you love yourself enough to not let others affect you. And loving yourself, is one of the most important things you can do.

When you truly love yourself, you can gain so much more out of life. Learning to love who you are gives you confidence and the belief that you really can do anything you please. At the end of the day, this is your life, not theirs, so don't let them control it. Sure they might give you dirty looks and glares for not following what they believe to be right, but who cares? They have absolutely no power over you and other people will see this confidence you have and respect you for it.

So who cares if a few moody and mopey people don't like what you do? It's your life and you should do what you want. Not what other people want. But what you want.

I've always loved this quote:

Well done Mr Cheadle, you have captured the essence of life perfectly. And it's true. Be someone who loves themselves to such an extent that you're not sorry at all for who you are. This is you and you are brilliant. Don't apologise for what you think, what you believe and most importantly, who you are. Be this person Don Cheadle is talking about and you will be happy.

Remember: Confidence and fearlessness is sexy. Whatever shape or size or race or gender you are, the one thing that will always be sexy is confidence. And I don't mean sexy in appearance or in a provocative way, I mean sexy in an empowering and inspiring way. How we see ourselves, affects how others see us in turn. At the end of the day we are all beautiful, strong, sexy people. Confidence = happiness. And as Ms Hepburn taught us;

So be you, love yourself, have confidence in who you are and remember that this is your life to live and no one else's. Be strong and be unapologetically who you are. You are all beautiful and you are all loved. I hope you enjoy the rest of your day and you now have the confidence and self-love to not let others affect you. Take care my lovely readers!
♥ Jess ♥

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