In my school, we do this thing called "report reading" which is where you read your report before your parents and talk about it with your form teacher. Which in a way is good, not only because you can prepare your parents of your results before they get it, but you're able to talk about your report and the comments made about you with someone who won't ground you for getting below 60% in a test.
Generally I struggle with science a lot. I've never really been good at it and when I think I get it, I'll do another question and it'll be completely wrong. But I still always try. I got my report from my science teacher today, and...it wasn't....great.
*deep breath* They do this thing where they grade how much effort you put in into the subject; highly commendable, commendable, inconsistent, insufficient and (I'm not sure about the last one but it's something along the lines of abysmal.) Not to boast at all, but I pretty much always get highly commendable (apart from sometimes in geography, because I'm not so keen on the subject.) This being said, I've grown accustomed to a standard of highly commendable.
But today, I received a commendable in science. In no way at all am I saying that commendable isn't a good mark. It's great, after all, it is 'commendable.' Haha see what I did there? I would be perfectly happy with commendable if I didn't put a large amount of effort in. I mean, when I get commendable in geography it doesn't really upset me because I know that I didn't put 100% of my effort into it. But with science, I know I struggle with it so I put in a huge amount of effort into the subject.
What's frustrating is that for the amount of work I put in, to be honest, I'd just like a little recognition. I'm so tired and frustrated that all the work I do for my grades is overlooked. It just feels like my best isn't good enough. And that sucks. I push myself really hard and I look over my work A LOT, and to get only a commendable is such a slap in the face. Again, I'm not saying commendable isn't a good mark and that I don't appreciate it, I just don't think I deserve it for the amount of work I put in.
And you know what's even worse? When people don't understand that. They think I'm being ungrateful for the mark I received. And I promise you it's definitely not that. Imagine you put in hours and hours and hours of work into a project and someone comes along and says "That's not good enough" or " That's pretty shitty."
.....Yeah. That's how it feels.
*deep, deep breaths* But you know what, like my friend Gabi said, maybe this is a way to motivate me even further. To really, really stretch myself and get that A* GCSE grade I know I deserve. So keep your chin up, your shoulders back, and your head held high.
I always say "God does things for a reason." Or if you're not into religion and stuff, think "everything happens for a reason." This probably happened so I could improve and be a better person. So I could strive to achieve more and go the extra mile. It's just going to make me fight back and work harder and be better than before. And who knows, maybe this is just a milestone I have to cross. Maybe all these things that are setting me back, will help me be stronger and wiser. Maybe eventually, when someone does realise the amount of effort I put in, my big break will come. I'm always waiting for someone to see the good in me and to realise "Hey, she's a really hard worker," or "Let's give her that scholarship/award/medal/feature in the newspaper because she's a really great person." Maybe one day that will happen.
And hey, you only get what you give, right?
♥ Jess ♥