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Thursday, 28 November 2013

Do I need to change?

I'm sure we've all seen those teenage rom-coms/sappy chick-flicks where at one point or another the loyal side-kick/love interest will say some cheesy line like: "You don't need to change. You're perfect the way you are." And while that is true to an extent, it's not always the case. Yes, of course you need to believe in yourself and have confidence in who you are, but sometimes a little self-evaluation is needed.

I get that we all can't be perfect. In fact, nobody is. But we can all take steps to becoming a better person. The trick is learning about how we can be better.

A girl in my Latin class said to me one day, "I trust too easily. That's why I always get so upset." Now at this point I really admired her. Firstly for realising her own faults which is a very difficult thing to do. But also for actually admitting them - which again isn't the easiest of tasks. To give you a little bit of a back story, this girl, let's call her Tootie, and Flimsy (whom you all may well remember from a few blog posts back) were in what I would call a love-hate relationship. It was quite toxic and had negative effects on both of them and their other friends. They would fight every week, yet miraculously be best friends again come Monday morning. And to be honest, nobody really enjoyed it when they were on good terms, let alone when they were fighting. So after Tootie said this to me, I thought maybe that things would change.

Surprise, surprise. They didn't. What I didn't understand was the fact that week after week, Tootie would come to me in floods of tears because of what Flimsy had done, yet every Monday the same cycle repeated itself over and over again. And it was so incredibly frustrating.
While Tootie is a really lovely person and it's a nice trait that she trusts people, there's a line as to how much you can trust someone.

If someone is hurting you again and again, you need to learn that this person isn't great for you to be around. And in this case, if you realise that part of the problem is that you for example trust too easily, consider not telling everything to people who have hurt you before.

Even Flimsy herself, could definitely be a better person if she learns from how she treats other people.
In addition, even if it's "not you" per say, but maybe a bad relationship or friendship that you're in, change that. Because it's not healthy for you and your wellbeing. It stops you from concentrating on your priorities and can also help you forget the important people for life. There's obviously a longer list of reasons why being in a bad relationship is not good for you, but that was  just a quick little summary.

We all know the phrase, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." After this person or event has "fooled you twice" so to speak, that's when it's important to learn from your mistakes. That's when the crucial moment of self-evaluation takes place. And that's when you need to change if needs be.

Think to yourself, "Yes they're not a good person for me/I shouldn't do that again. But why did it happen twice? (Or maybe) even more than twice?"

You all know that I try and give second chances when I feel I can give them out as much as I can, but when you're being hurt over and over again, self-evaluation is important not only to protect you from further instances but also to improve as a person.

Obviously, if you're hurt now - there's nothing you can do at the moment to reverse that. And it sucks. Trust me, I know. Right now, cry your eyes out, watch girly movies and call your best friend. Don't forget the ice-cream either. But when you're even the teensiest bit ready to tackle on the world again, evaluate yourself and grow from your mistakes. Realise that you can't change the past and that learning from your past is the only way forward to becoming a better, wiser you. Most importantly;

Have faith in yourself.
But know that a little self-evaluation - even if you haven't been hurt by someone/something - is always the key to becoming a better person.

♥ Jess ♥


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